Most people think confidence is something inside your person since when you were born. Fortunately – or unfortunately for these believers – it is something build up along your growth, year by year, day by day, second by second. How come, then, that some person living almost the same environment of you are more confident than others?
Most depends also on the words you use, you listen to, you say on your own to yourself or when talking with others.
Want to be more confident? So, stop using these words:
As usually said when people are not trustful about themselves
We can try do that, but we can’t assure on the results
I’ll try to do my best
I’ll have a try
the word try means you will do something because it is requested and you’re not confident at all on the results; even worst, with a very high probability the result will be disappointing.
If you trust what you do or what you must do, then you can say YES. Otherwise, you can say NO – being very confident on your reasoning to say no. Try will transmit an uncertainty based on hope, on a chance, not in something resonated. Do or don’t, that’s the point.
Useful if you’re explaining hypothesis and very bad in case of a reply on a question like
I need it by Friday, can you afford this task by then?
Here are 2 cases and different approaches, but simply said: if you can, the answer is YES. If you can’t, the answer is NO. If you can depend on some priorities, the answer is “We can check together about actual priorities, so we can decide together what is better to move forward and what can be skipped at the moment to match your request” – at least unless you are not autonomous in taking such decision.
Strictly connected to the MAYBE, being able to say yes or no is a great sign of confidence; however, instead of saying NO or I CAN’T it would be better to say
I perceive some risks despite we can do it. There’s however a potential drawback that can’t prevent us scoring this goal, in that case we’ll have each other’s backs.
Doing this way, it is an agreement among people to decide to go further or re-think on the task.
Almost the same of MAYBE, hope is a challenge on events, on planet alignment. Of course, in case you’re talking with a friend, saying “I hope everything is doing good” is kind and appreciated. When talking about tasks to do, it sounds like It could happen, but it couldn’t and I’m not in a position to decide if it will work or not.
I hope the client appreciate this solution
I hope this could help
If you want to reach a result, you are in charge to ensure the Client will appreciate the task or your colleague will benefit from what you’re saying. I hope means you already know something couldn’t be completed or exhaustive, thus keeping some aleatory in the air. Collect feedback from your Client, be exhaustive with your colleague, ask questions like please tell me if you have additional questions or you know there could be additional issues arising from that, so I can help you cover those topics.
USING VOCALIZATIONS AND REPETITIVE SHORTS
Like for example ehhhhh uuuhmmmmmm ooohhhh aahhhh or also you know? Or even
I said that, no? And you told me that, no? And when Mark said X you replied Y, no?
It is a shortcut to keep you safe. You ask for confirmation, and even worst, in the case of no? you’re instilling doubt on your counterpart, saying one thing and the reverse on the same sentence – this is the sense of the no?
All other vocalizations are just a sign for your crocodile brain you’re not sure about what you say or you’re not well prepared in what you’re talking about.
So, avoid yes/no/uh/ah/ehmm and everything else, and talk for what you say with no asking confirmation to your counterpart.
So, want to be more confident about what you do, having a better looking with your boss and colleagues, and change your life with a simple hack? Then stop saying these 5 words.
In case you’d like to share opinions, or going deep into a topic, write to me an email to: contactme [at] enricocarollo [dot] com or write your sharing in the comments below: that space is yours!